


ache

by miingu



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 10:40:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19149370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miingu/pseuds/miingu
Summary: Hinata ached for him - had always ached for him.





	ache

**Author's Note:**

> this is basically me writing the kind of naruhina I wanted to read at the time

It’s a whirlwind.

That’s what Hinata thought when it came to Naruto. Something wild, exciting, uncontrollable, but also refreshing somehow. He had always been moving forward, bright-eyed and optimistic. Unfaltering. She got caught up in that, a dandelion seed on a lifting breeze.

But she knew it wasn’t so simple. He told her that too once, sitting on the dock, “You’ve always believed in me.” 

It doesn’t downplay the importance of his connections – friends that used to be bullies or ignored him, shopkeepers that turned him away, teachers that gave up on him before later lifting him up as a role model – relationships change, people understand each other better. The village has made space for him finally, after he spent his youth desperately carving one out.

But Hinata had always had a place for him.  

It’s something that she thought about telling him sometimes – that she has noticed him, thought of him, believed in him. It felt a little dark, unworthy, for her to say that. She remembered the first time she encountered him, villagers whispering and giving him a wide birth. She looked on, wide-eyed, feeling an inexplicable feeling. The unfairness clawed at her. She remembered sitting up, teary-eyed and numb at the fingertips as the other boys tore up his scarf. Always, her heart ached for him.

The ache for a friend in pain. The ache where she so badly wanted to lift him out of his darkness, but felt powerless to help him, protect him, or heal him.

Perhaps that would be what described her best – ache. She ached so much to be stronger, braver, more courageous so that she could face him and stand beside him. She wanted to be a shield, to fight away the blows aimed at him. She wanted to look into his eyes and hold her gaze. She ached so much for him to notice her and acknowledge her. She ached because she wanted to be better and fight harder, but she always felt like she was catching up, chasing. But even more so, she ached because she didn’t want to see him hurt.

That had always been her weakness – she cared. She ached and felt so strongly the pain of those dear to her. She fought, not for herself, but to protect and defend those she cared for. Hinata wanted to be stronger, but it was never for her own sake.

She could see that herself when she thought about facing up to Pain when Naruto was pinned down. It was a great leap of faith – to stand, to fight, to confess. They talked about it later on, grass sweeping against their cheeks, tickling bare skin as they lay down together, fingers loosely entwined. He wondered aloud – how she must have felt? How brave she was to do that for him.

She had turned to him and held his hand a little tighter – she was so incredibly scared. Bravery is not the absence of fear.

He pulled her into his arms.

Hinata always felt awash – carried away – in these moments with him. Naruto was gentle in his own way – ocean waves dragging her out. He acted and spoke at his own pace, listened intently, and always returned to her. He reached for her – for her fingers, for her waist, his hands in her hair. Hinata could sense his thoughts sometimes, churning. He was always looking, searching for the right answer, how best to hold her close, how best to comfort her.

Hinata smiled when she contemplated what their friends must think of them. She imagined that some of them – perhaps the ones with some more insight, Sakura, Ino, and Shikamaru – would be able to see that dynamic between them. Naruto wasn’t thoughtless or simple-minded, rather he thought _a lot_ , but he always struggled to find the right words. He was not always the loud, cheerful hero of Konoha. Nobody was so simple. Step by step, every moment they shared piling up – Hinata found that Naruto was unravelling with her, dragging her deeper, into his beautiful blue.

Their first few months as an item was a montage of sunsets. Naruto had a particular affinity for high places – particularly those where he could gaze out across the village and point out places and times and memories. It would always be a little bit of a surprise when he’d drag her on these outings.

He would appear before her – having tracked her down after dinner with the Hyuuga family, or perhaps after a mission debriefing, or after a girls’ lunch – and insist that she follow him. That he’s got something new and incredible to show her. Hinata would laugh, and try to offer an excuse, but the subtext was always the same – _of course, show me_. He’d barely listen to those words before taking her hand. Hinata would flush when he’d sweep her off her feet. He would repeat this process across many weeks, and Hinata started to wonder if the volume of his voice and his grand gestures was just a reflection of his nerves.

It was never completely new, but always incredible. Gazing out across the village, she felt that Naruto was sharing fragments of his heart. Like ocean spray, gently engulfing. 

There was a particular sunset, low-hanging clouds illuminated in purple, where Naruto just held her hand. As the sun turned red as it met the horizon, he turned to her and gently drew her in. Hinata had noticed him blushing, and had taken some silent satisfaction in that before flushing her own shades of red. She remembers forgetting to breathe, then his hand on her waist as she leaned into his warmth.

He murmured something – along the lines of _I don’t deserve you_ – and she _ached_. The boy she admired, chased, and the man he had become – she could still hear his hurt. He still bore wounds that hadn’t closed, and she wondered what she could do to heal him.

He saw her off on her mission the next morning, just nonchalant, as though this was completely normal and Hinata’s breath wasn’t catching in her throat, cheeks warm while her teammates looked on. She searched his eyes for any signs of unrest and struggled see what it was he was feeling last night. He distracted her with a peck on the cheek, smiling.

Hinata felt a wave of indignation, that he could so carelessly throw her like that, entrance her like that. He disappeared again.

Returning, Hinata skipped out on the debriefing. She doesn’t give anybody a chance to direct her to the hospital for a check-up (she’s not bleeding anymore, so she’s fine, really). She raced, leaping across rooftops, until she landed by Naruto’s apartment window. It occurs to her suddenly, that the hero of Konoha still lived in the outskirts of town. She forged forward, not giving herself time to worry about the indecency, the outrageous forwardness of her actions, and knocked on the glass.

She doesn’t get many chances to play the brave and beautiful heroine – she doesn't feel like she is most of the time. But _gosh_ , the way he lit up as he threw his window open. Eyes wide to see his long-haired and bright-eyed princess. 

Hinata smiled as she felt she could breathe for the first time in weeks. His smile loosened that ache in her heart, and his embrace, Hinata closed her eyes as he pulled her in. She hadn’t really thought about it before – how it felt to be held by him. Firm, warm, unwavering. She closes her eyes and leans into him, breathing deep – how she had worried about him, how dearly she had missed him in her short time away – she didn’t even know that she missed the beat of his heart -

He gasped, coming to his senses and realising that Hinata was still fully equipped, scrolls and kunai weighing her down, vest dirty – and bloody. He saw some surface scratches and grazes – there is one under her ear that makes his chest tighten - god knows what else she is hiding.

He swept her up, Hinata not resisting at all, and rushed out in the direction of the hospital, telling her off. Somewhere along the way between rooftops, he scolds her, told her that she’s a fool – _baka_.

She looked up at him and laughed quietly – _no, you are_.

She felt his grip on her tighten, and she reached up to hold onto him in response. His eyes were steady, trained on his destination as he urgently delivered his beloved to safety. And yet, Hinata thought, smiling, she was already safe.

That feeling never went away so long as Naruto was by her side. 

Nurses told him to stay out of her room while they tended to her, repeating that visiting hours are over, and that Hinata was not in critical condition – far from it – all she needs to do is rest. She heard him exclaiming why can’t he just stay a bit later, he’s worried, he needs to see her – oblivious to the fact that he’d just been seeing her for the past seven hours or so. She caught a glimpse of his displeased expression – scowling a little, as though he were an upset child again. His eyes flickered across and met hers – Hinata couldn’t help smiling. _It’s okay_ , she thought, hoping that he’d get the message, _I’ll be alright. I’ll see you tomorrow._

He appeared at her window the second the hospital is officially open the next morning, and gestures for Hinata to let him in. She raised herself up into a seated position, wincing as her leg ached as she shifted position. She wondered if Naruto had retained any of the information from the doctors yesterday – Hinata wasn’t in critical condition, but she certainly needed some bed rest.

Hinata barely finished that thought when Sakura appears and slid open the window herself, exasperated. She scolded him, something along the lines of Hinata’s thoughts – that she wasn’t to be moving around too much today. Sakura ignored Naruto as she turned to Hinata, asking about her quality of sleep, how the leg is today. They went over her chart, listing all the injuries they had taken note of the day before. Like a checklist, which injuries had healed, and what remained. Hinata glanced at Naruto, perched on a stool at the end of her bed, eyes a stormy blue.  

Naruto was surprisingly shy, somehow, as he waited for Sakura to leave before he repositioned himself beside Hinata. “That sounded serious.”

Hinata couldn’t help but make light of the situation, now that she was the one being worried about, “You should’ve seen the other guy.”

He didn’t laugh, and Hinata thought, uneasy, _he usually laughs easily_. “I don’t like seeing you hurt.”

Hinata wondered what his motivations were. She knew that he cared so much, that he has always fought hard and struggled harder so he can protect the people that he loves. He would thoughtlessly, carelessly, throw himself into battle, ignoring his own safety, forgetting that someone loved him dearly and hated seeing him torn up on behalf of others too.

She wondered why it was that he couldn’t see that what she was doing right now, making light of her injuries, fighting to defend her village, her friends, her family – was exactly what he’d been doing all along. She wondered where it was along the way that he had allowed his own happiness and wellbeing to become an afterthought. “I don't like seeing you hurt either,” she murmured. 

They both didn’t really know what to say after that, because they understood the difficult positions they find themselves in. They let the silence linger over themselves, and it said everything they themselves couldn’t find the words for. They were both too stubborn, and they hurt each other in the same way. They cared about the same things, and cared so much for each other. And yet, it was so easy to throw themselves in harm’s way, to cut themselves open and break their own bones, while their beloved ached. Hinata reached out for his hand and purposefully, slowly, placed her fingers in the gaps between his. She leaned back into her pillows, head tilting so that she could gaze at him. They just sat that way, not really knowing what else to do or say.

Naruto walked Hinata home from the hospital.

She could tell that he didn’t know what to say. Or more specifically, he had something to say, but wasn’t sure of the best words to use. It wasn’t that he was acting quite differently – he was eager to see her still, the first one through the door, and clearly keen to see her discharged. She appreciated that too – that he had so much confidence in her strength, and he wanted to enjoy their time together. It was one of the worldly problems of being a ninja – you never know when your next mission is, and even though this was truer years ago than now, you never knew for sure if you’d come back (alive).

They understood that well, and yet, they still struggled to come to an understanding. 

Their conversation went through the usual motions, “do you know when you’re heading out next?”

Naruto shrugged, shifting the position of Hinata’s bag on his shoulders, “no idea – I think they’re keeping me too cooped up to be honest.”

Hinata wondered if he understood the unique position he was in. He was too important to go on most missions. It wasn’t really a question of whether he was capable, it was that he served a different purpose in this world now. Increasingly, Kakashi was holding Naruto back from missions unless there was no other way. Naruto was an asset suited for situations of great uncertainty, and thus great risk. He was suitable if there are political interests to sway, of course under the watchful guidance of somebody better with words.

“- I hope they’d keep you home more though.” Hinata blinked upon hearing him say that.

She hesitated, “… Why?”

They stopped walking, and a sparrow darted between the electrical wires overhead. Naruto sighed, scratching his head instinctively, “I worry when you’re away.”

Hinata took a moment, wondering if she felt angry, belittled, or touched. Either way, she blushed, and averted her gaze, unsure where else to place it.

“It’s not that I don’t think you’ll be okay-“ his pace was picking up, he could sense her bristling, “-it’s just that I think about you a lot when you’re away.” He paused to think, like they tell you to do in the academy when you’re looking for the right answer, “Like, I believe in your ability, and your strength. You’re so smart – so much more than me – and you know what you’re doing out there -“ he’d started to gesture, “but I can’t help thinking about what if there’s something out there, or something happens that nobody’s been expecting.” He swallowed, stepping closer and grasping her hands, “… and what if for some reason you don’t come home?” 

Hinata felt that prickly, burning feeling in her nose – she squeezed her eyes shut, “but that’s exactly what I think about you.” She refused to open them, because she knew what was happening and she hated to think that she might look weak or little or too emotional, but this was also just how she felt. “Every time you yelled that you’re going on another ridiculously important mission or jumped into battle – no matter how strong you are – no matter what new technique you mastered – I worried.” She couldn’t breathe properly now, she really didn’t like it, it was so frustrating, to not have control over her breathing – “I don’t know if everyone - and maybe you – got used to you being so strong and almost invincible – like no matter what happened you’d bounce back – or there’d be some miracle and it didn’t matter –“ she gasped for air now, and opened her eyes to find things blurry, “- but I worried. I couldn’t –“

He embraced her, bundling her up in his arms so she could cry into his jacket.

“- I can’t lose you.”

She felt everything tighten, and his chest heaved against hers. “Naruto –“

“I’m going to do better, Hinata.”

She sniffled, and they pulled apart a little so she could look at him properly.

He was smiling, but it wasn’t the same eyes-right-ahead-and-fearless look that he’d been giving his teammates for years. “Things are different now. I’m not going to do reckless and stupid things anymore. I know better.”

Hinata nodded shakily, blinking out a few tears.

“I have someone to come home to now.”

She cried even more, but her heart, it didn't ache anymore. 

 

 


End file.
